“If you don’t set a baseline standard for what you’ll accept in life, you’ll find it’s easy to slip into behaviors and attitudes or a quality of life that’s far below what you deserve.” – Tony Robbins
During a transitional time of life when I was questioning who I wanted to be—my beliefs and values and how I wanted to serve others in this lifetime, I came across a very intelligent man I admired vehemently. As he listened to me describe my frustrations; the challenges I faced seeking meaning in my career and difficulty finding friends who held the same values as my own, he stopped me and said, “Once you find the standard at which you’re willing to live, don’t accept anything less.”
His words had a profound impact on me. I later came to realize my admiration for him was a projection of my best self. He was a living example of who I wanted to be, living out the standards that I had once upheld for myself. He opened my eyes to the realization that I had let them slip and was therefore getting far below what I deserved in life.
Failing the live up to my standards resulted in a lesser and more mediocre life.
I made less healthy food choices and ended up with weight gain and a poorer body image. I spent time and money in areas that did not serve my well-being or future. I lost motivation in my career and working towards bettering myself. I allowed men into my life that did nothing to deserve my time of love. I stagnated.
Standards are a funny thing. When we honestly live to a higher standard, we may push many seemingly great people and things away. Life will challenge your standards day-in-and-day-out. People will question your standards and try to bring you down to their level. Heck, my mom even questions me about mine. All of which can make it incredibly difficult to feel like you’re doing the right thing and even make you question why you would maintain such high standards.
I’ve been down that path. I watched someone I cared for deeply live to lower standards and achieve the things I wanted… but when I took a closer look, it was at such a lower quality! It was not at all the life I wanted for myself. Standards DO matter. And upholding those that you choose for yourself is crucial to the quality of your life and of your success.
Bottom line: we get the quality of life at the level of the standards we set for ourselves.
Here are a few of my personal standards for reference:
- Maintaining discipline through daily healthy habits, avoiding distractions and practicing delayed gratification.
- Surrounding myself with people who align with my goals and well-being and inspire me to be better.
- Setting boundaries in personal and professional relationships by saying no, valuing my time and not giving away my talents and gifts to those who haven’t earned them.
- Not indulging in negative self-talk, self-pity or allowing the words and choices of others to impact my feelings or perception of myself.
- Living up to my potential, being the leader I seek to be, exemplifying the behaviors of the persona I believe at my core to be.
- Stop playing small, stop waiting, stop worrying about how I look and start taking actions towards achieving my dreams.
Examine your standards to improve you quality of life.
If you’re content with mediocre, by all means living to YOUR standards is all that matters. At the end of the day, we all have to live with the choices we make.
But for those who want to improve their way of living right now, here’s how you can examine what standards you’re living by, then replace them with more positive and empowering ones to serve your growth.
For starters, think about the areas of your life that are most important and impactful. Areas such as your health, finances, relationships, your personal growth, and mindset. Then consider your baseline – what are you currently doing and what results are you getting from those thoughts, behaviors, and actions? Let me break it down.
Health
Are you currently eating the foods you know you need to eat to maintain a healthy digestive system? Or are you choosing to eat out, grab fast food because you lack time to prepare meals at home? How about exercise. Are you getting at least 20-30 minutes of movement in a day? Or do you chalk it up to it being “not your thing” and skip breakfast instead? What about your sleep, do you get 7-8 hours a night?
I could go on. There are so many actions we can take to improve our health.
I don’t ask these questions to call you out or make you feel bad. I ask them so that you can begin to ask yourself the tough questions and get curious about the standards you hold when it comes to your health. Even choosing just one will begin to significantly improve our health and quality of life.
If you want to look good and feel good and live a healthy life, you need to raise your standards by eating healthy foods, exercising, getting enough sleep, intentionally relaxing, or meditating.
Wealth
How are your finances? Do you have an emergency savings account? Are you investing and taking advantage of your company’s 401k match? Are you spending your money on things you need or wants?
If you want to raise your wealth standards, make the decision to understand and manage your finances.
This isn’t just for those who are in finances or male companions who are “better with managing money”. You are solely responsible for your money and how you spend it. It’s imperative that you learn how to invest and know exactly where your money is going to improve this part of your life.
Spend money wisely, track your expenses, save for the rainy day, negotiate and invest. You can be disciplined with your finances without missing out on life. Few material things will bring you more joy than having confidence in your finances and spending your money intentionally on services or experiences that truly enhance your life.
Relationships
Are you satisfied with your current relationships? Do your family and friends support your health and wellbeing? Or do they practice bad habits and live generally unhealthy lives? Do they lift you or bring you down with their words? On the other hand, are you present in your relationships? Do you show up and support those you care about? Or do you make excuses for not connecting and building healthy relationships?
Relationships are a two-way street. They have a way of impacting us at such a deep level, poor relationships and poor boundaries can suck the life right out of us.
To raise your relationship standards, know your values and find people who share similar values, and support your growth journey.
Surround yourself with people who accept you, respect you and inspire you to become better. Be intentional about the time you spend with others.
Do activities together that bring joy to both of your lives versus doing something you hate, but you’re doing it just because you feel bad for not spending time with someone. Leave the technology at home and give your full attention when you show up for someone.
Most importantly, open your heart to those your trust and allow yourself to be vulnerable to deepen relationships with those closest to us and set boundaries to disallow the poor and unhealthy behaviors of others so that we can live to our potential.
Personal Growth
This one is big. Personal growth can mean so many things, but for the sake of this exercise, we’re talking about taking a hard look at yourself. Being honest enough to determine what thoughts and behaviors are serving you and which ones you are better off leaving behind.
Mindset is a huge component of growth. Are you reactive and defensive when you hear someone say something you don’t like or agree with? Are your day-to-day thoughts generally negative and self-defeatist? How is your attitude when you show up to work?
Looking introspectively at your tendencies in the ways you think and respond to certain circumstances and significantly impacts the quality of the results you’re getting from your life.
Your habits are another key component of personal growth. What is your personal hygiene like? Do you have a habit of looking at your phone before bed? Are you skipping brushing your teeth? Are you self-disciplined? Do you give in to distractions and temptations or do you practice delayed gratification?
Raising your standards when it comes to personal growth means building a habit of positive thinking and setting standards that you uphold via self-discipline.
Changing your thoughts and choosing to get out of your comfort zone will strengthen and fortify your mind and body so that you are prepared to take on life’s challenges. You will not be shattered by failures or setbacks and you will become more resilliant. Instead, you will begin to see obstacles as opportunities to learn and grow.
Craft your standards to live the life that you belive you deserve.
Identify the areas in your life where you are not satisfied with the current results you are getting. Where might your standards be lacking?
Also, consider the consequences of not raising your standards in those areas. Are you content? Can you live with those consequences? Sometimes, you will find that your current standards are lower than the standards you wish to have. That’s okay as long as you recognize the gap and work to make the gap shorter. Then commit to raising the bar.
Raising your standards is not about being better than or above everyone else. It’s about having a healthy level of self-respect and living life to the quality you desire and believe you deserve.
Take inspiration from mentors, read, continue journaling and do the introspective work to improve your life. You will only enhance those areas when you begin to set higher expectations for yourself and live to the standards you’ve set.
Remember too to give yourself grace along your journey for we are all imperfect humans at different points in our lives and there will always be something to improve.
So tell me, have you ever felt that you were getting less than you deserve? What standards are you currently living by? What standards can you change today to change your life?
In good health,
Steph
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